Scars

Permanent reminders of dark days,
When nothing could pull you back,
Kind words, hugs, love, affection,
Nothing broke the hold,
The hopelessness,
The need to feel and never feel again.

Left over from times past,
Times you've left behind
For a brighter outlook of a new tomorrow.
Dark red lines on porcelain skin,
As if you needed to be reminded.

Glowing like fluorescent warning signs
To people who stare, who see and judge,
For things they can never hope to understand.
The lonely metallic friendship of steel,
Cold on burning skin.

Something you never truly meant to do,
When, in desperation, you found yourself
Alone at night with a blade,
Wishing only to stem the flow of thoughts
By starting the flow of blood.

The hope that maybe you wouldn't wake up,
The fear of a cold white room full of needles and nurses;
Lies, telling you everything was fine
When all you thought was that nothing would be all right again.

Slashes remind you of those nights,
Unconscious on  the bathroom floor
When no one was home.
Alone, Drowning in blood and despair,
Waiting for the darkness to envelope all you are
And drag it away so you wouldn't have to feel it.

But now, you've seen the light
You know that just maybe you'll be alright.
Then you look down, see those scars,
From a place you never want to be again.
They refuse to fade, staining the skin
Of the new human being you've become,
Reborn from the ashes of rock bottom.

So tell me.
Why wont the feelings fade?
The scars?
And the knowledge that all it takes to end it all
Lies just within your reach.
If only you have the guts,
The determination.
But no, not even that.
Just reminders.